Diary Post - Going back to the beginning

I hesitated before writing this post as it felt slightly vulnerable and less polished and refined than my other posts, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing to show.

This week felt harder than I expected. I joined the electrical engineering course properly - lectures, practical sessions, programming - and I walked out feeling so small. Not incapable. Just… back at the beginning.

I’m used to knowing what I’m doing. In fashion, I don’t have to think about certain things anymore. Pattern cutting feels instinctive. I can look at a garment and understand it almost immediately. Years of practice built that confidence quietly.

But this week I was writing down basic circuit equations and trying to follow conversations about voltage and signal pathways, and my brain felt slow.

It’s strange going from being experienced in one room to feeling like you’re the least knowledgeable person in another.

There’s a part of me that wondered if I’ve made this harder than it needs to be. If embedding another discipline into my work is too much.

But then something happened that shifted it slightly. I was sat in my study revising, highlighters out, notes everywhere, and the children were watching me. They asked what I was doing.

I said, “Mummy’s learning engineering.” It felt surreal saying that out loud. They see me as someone who makes clothes. Who draws. Who sews. Who fixes things. Now they’re watching me struggle with something new. Watching me not immediately know the answer. And maybe that’s important.

They’re seeing that learning doesn’t stop when you’re grown. That being good at one thing doesn’t mean you stay there forever. That it’s okay to find something difficult and keep going anyway.

I don’t want them to think confidence means always understanding everything. I want them to see that confidence can also look like trying.

This week I felt overwhelmed. There’s no neat way to wrap that up.

But I also felt stretched. And stretching is uncomfortable by nature.

If I want to truly integrate engineering into garment design, I can’t just collaborate at the edges. I have to understand it, even when it feels basic. Even when it feels slow.

So this week wasn’t glamorous. It wasn’t breakthrough-heavy.

It was me, at the table, learning something new while my children coloured beside me and maybe that’s exactly what growth looks like.